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Distraction 3 You are (a) filled with good wishes for her success; (b) filled with envy, resentment and concern lest she actually accomplish even a small part of what she's setting out to do and leave you lying bitterly in the dust; (c) scornful of the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed Pollyanna who thinks she can do better escape being reduced to a bitter old wreck along with everyone else. If you have an honest bone in your body, you'll admit your actual reaction is likely to be closer to b or c than a. That's human nature. Knowing that, you can see why it would be foolhardy to depend on your peers to support your plans for success. That isn't to say you should alienate yourself from them, just to expect their initial reactions to be less than supportive or encouraging. Be prepared for the worst and be pleasantly surprised if they turn out to be better people than the human mean. The need for approval is conditioned in all of us. Like addiction to drugs, alcohol or junk food, this need can be a major distraction. A decision to be a success takes willingness to forego your daily fix of peer approval and acceptance. You will need to keep your own counsel and provide your own support system while meeting the negativity of your peers with a constructive, optimistic outlook. Remember, if you do succeed, you may be managing your former peers. Your continued success will depend on your ability to inspire them to work at their most productive. Inevitably, once your focus on success becomes known, your peers will come to resent and distrust you to varying degrees. This is the one hurdle that trips up many otherwise talented, ambitious and highly effective people. The prospect of becoming the target of constant sniping, gossip and free-floating resentment is too scary and distracting for most people. They just don't have the stomach for success. If you're determined to rise above mediocrity, know that the envy, resentment and distrust of former peers is inevitable and, what's more, isn't caused by anything peculiar to your own personality or character. Remember, too, that diverting your energies to try to diffuse the negativity is counterproductive. It would merely encourage your former peers to step up the pressure in the hope of bringing you back down to their level. |
The notions of sisterhood and equality that fill books and movies simply don't govern the workings of the business world. A successful company simply isn't a democracy. Workers aren't equal. If we were, communism wouldn't have failed so miserably and capitalism wouldn't work so well. Some people learn to be more effective at focusing their energies on creating value for their organizations and clients. If you are one, peer resentment will simply have to be a fixture of your career. The key to keeping it from becoming a fatal distraction is to expect it and accept it as an indispensible part of success, not something inspired uniquely by you. John Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln seem like gods to Americans. While they lived, they were hated and reviled by more people than loved them. Their greatest successes were achieved only to the extent they had the strength and good sense to avoid being distracted by public opinion. Distraction 4 A common misconception involves the regard they expect to enjoy from others. Even those who could handle the hostility of peers as they built their early successes have trouble accepting the fact that no matter how successful they become, the hostility will remain, never to be replaced by universal respect and acclaim until the day they die or are otherwise rendered non-threatening. There's good reason for that-your success simply isn't very important to anyone but you. Those who love you will rejoice in it as long as you don't forget who you are and who they are. Strangers will accord you a measure of respect and admiration for your achievement. These feelings, however, aren't nearly as deep or constant as the expectations that will have become fixed in your own mind. |