Having it ALL What it takes to have it all.

The other day a young woman friend said something that sounded like a cross between a compliment and a lament. "You have it all," she said. "A husband, kids, a great position. I'd kill to have it all." Needless to say, this friend was young, a beauty in her late 20s. I could understand her frustration. She's working long hours to establish herself as a rising star in the professional firmament while nurturing a longstanding relationship she hopes will someday blossom into a husband and kids. Trouble is, she's put off too many romantic weekends on the one hand and on the other cut short too many business meetings to feel completely optimistic about her prospects for ever having it all. "And I don't even have any kids yet," she said, in evident distress. "What's the secret?" There are no secrets, of course. But I did give her the benefit of some commonsensical observations I had made over the years. She seemed grateful enough. Lesson one: There are only 24 hours in a day, whether you're redhot supernova or a slug. Planning your days as though they contain 28 or 32 hours is a prescription for bloodshot eyes, a resentful family and angry clients. Lesson two: A human being works from the inside out. That means you always take care of your personal needs before working your way out to professional and social obligations. It isn't considered smart, hip or cool for a professional woman to put her mate and kids first, but the most successful women I know either follow this rule or regret deeply for not having done so. The same holds true for men. Successful men tend to put their family relationships first though they rarely want the fact announced to the world. The key is this--when you let your family and loved ones know they come first, they're amazingly supportive and understanding about your professional commitments. If there is a secret to making it all work. A woman who doesn't understand this risks losing sight of the most important and enjoyable prerogative of being a woman -- brightening the lives of those she loves. Nothing is more satisfying. My family knows I'd gladly forego trips, meetings, shows, receptions and whatnot to spend time with them -- and are even more concerned than I that I don't miss the ones that count. Fortunately more and more of us are getting over the nightmarish idea that a successful woman has to act and dress like a corporate man, and a real stiff at that.