Feb 21, 11:38 pm
Are you an attractive, intelligent woman but remain hopelessly single? Do people tell you that you’re a great catch and you scratch your head wondering why you don’t attract the men you deserve? If you’ve been told countless times that you’re “too intimidating” or “like one of the guys”, chances are you’re sending the wrong messages into the dating world that gets you sidelined. Below are practical things you can do to change your dating fortune from here on out.
Let’s face it. There is very little chance you will meet your husband sitting at home and eating Haagen Dazs. If you are single and truly want to meet someone worthwhile you have to make an effort to put yourself out there. Whether this means joining a fitness group, finding singles’ events, speed dating, or accompanying a friend to a professional mixer, making time to leave the house is a requirement. No excuses.
Research online different social groups in your area (like an Asian professional organization or a volunteer group), write them down, and make a point to visit one from your list every week.
We don’t mean stilettos and a mini-skirt. Men (the kind you’re likely to be interested in) feel more comfortable approaching women when they dress casual and feminine, rather than “sexy” (Kim Kardashian), “edgy” (Lady Gaga) or “too stylish” (Victoria Beckham).
When women dress too provocatively (outside of the club) it sends a message of desperation and lack of character. Too edgy and stylish is intimidating. So what are some good examples of feminine-casual? Jeans and a cute tank topped off with a stylish cardigan or jacket. Blouse with jeans and kitten heels.
The idea is to be casual enough to be approachable while maintaining a flare of femininity to let men know you want to be approached. Below are some good examples of this balance.
When you meet someone attractive, do you oftentimes wind up in the friend-seat offering dating advice and consolation sessions? Sometimes when we aren’t sure of our own desirability we act out our insecurities by shutting down and looking for the “safe” option. Before there’s a chance of rejection we laugh along to crude jokes and de-feminize ourselves to make it known that we aren’t the ones being rejected, we’re just not interested (when secretly we are).
Prevent yourself from falling into the just-a-friend trap by getting in touch with your assertive-self—you know, the one that willed herself to getting straight A’s, or the one who trained fiercely to finish that half-marathon. When you get in touch with the side of you that takes what she wants (and succeeds), you will feel more empowered to ask if he’d like to hang out sometime, because hey, at least you gave it a shot. Be brave. If he doesn’t pick up on your cues, move on.